Bali Ocean View Paradise: Briona 1 BR Suite ZN52B Awaits!
Okay, buckle up, buttercups, because we're diving headfirst into the turquoise waters of Bali Ocean View Paradise: Briona 1 BR Suite ZN52B! Forget those sterile, robotic hotel reviews – I’m here to tell you the real deal, warts and all, because let's be honest, life’s too short for perfect prose and cookie-cutter experiences. And yes, I'm gonna make sure this review is SEO-optimized because, well, that's the game, right? Let's get this bread!
First Impressions (and a Near Disaster):
Okay, picture this: You’ve just survived the glorious chaos of Denpasar airport, wrestled your luggage, and you're finally pulling up to Bali Ocean View Paradise. The drive…well, let's just say it involved a rogue motorbike and a near-miss with a chicken. But the moment you step out? Whoa. The view. The ocean. Seriously, it’s breathtaking. You could instantly see yourself sipping a cocktail. The lobby’s airy and bright, with enough of a breeze to make you forget those airport shenanigans. Now, let’s be crystal clear: my arrival wasn't flawless. I had a minor kerfuffle with the front desk – my fault mostly, I couldn't find my e-booking (typical me!). But thankfully, the concierge saved me. They were seriously on the ball (and spoke enough English to navigate my flustered state). Shoutout to Wayan, you legend!
The Suite: Briona 1 BR – My Fortress for a Week
Alright, ZN52B… my home for a little while. This suite? It's got potential. It's a one-bedroom, so privacy. The air conditioning blasted cold air, a total godsend after that Balinese heat. The bed? HUGE. And the blackout curtains? GAME CHANGER. I slept like a baby, well, a slightly jet-lagged baby constantly adjusting the pillows.
Inside the room you have everything! Available in all rooms: Additional toilet, Air conditioning, Alarm clock, Bathrobes, Bathroom phone (I never used it, who does?), Bathtub (bubbles, anyone?), Blackout curtains, Carpeting (clean! thank the good lord), Closet, Coffee/tea maker (essential!), Complimentary tea, Daily housekeeping (they're on it), Desk (for those emails you swear you'll get to), Extra long bed, Free bottled water, Hair dryer, High floor (amazing views!), In-room safe box, Interconnecting room(s) available (perfect for families!), Internet access – LAN, Internet access – wireless (Wi-Fi, we’ll get to that!), Ironing facilities, Laptop workspace, Linens, Mini bar (temptation!), Mirror, Non-smoking, On-demand movies (meh), Private bathroom, Reading light, Refrigerator (cold drinks!), Safety/security feature, Satellite/cable channels, Scale (maybe skip that!), Seating area (comfy!), Separate shower/bathtub, Shower, Slippers, Smoke detector, Socket near the bed, Sofa, Soundproofing, Telephone, Toiletries, Towels, Umbrella, Visual alarm, Wake-up service, Wi-Fi [free], Window that opens (let the ocean breeze in!).
The Bathroom: A Modern Sanctuary?
The bathroom wasn’t huge, but it did the job. The shower pressure was decent. The toiletries? Standard, nothing to write home about, but hey, they smelled nice. There were also those little extras (like good-quality towels, and a real hairdryer) to make you feel pampered. Not bad!
Internet & Wi-Fi Woes (and Wins)
Okay, the elephant in the room: Wi-Fi. They promise Free Wi-Fi in all rooms! and Internet and Internet [LAN] and Internet services and Wi-Fi in public areas. And for the most part… it worked. Mostly. The suite’s Wi-Fi was fine, I could stream my shows with ease (which, let's be honest, is a major criteria for me.)
I had to use the Internet – LAN connection and it was super fast! I could get some work done. The fact that I could even vaguely work whilst being on Holiday makes it A-OK in my book.
Services and Conveniences & Hygiene & Health
The services are pretty darn good, I have to say. They're doing a great job with hygiene. The Daily disinfection in common areas, Rooms sanitized between stays, and Anti-viral cleaning products is nice to see. The Staff trained in safety protocol seemed like they knew the deal.
They offer Air conditioning in public area, Cash withdrawal, Concierge, Currency exchange, Daily housekeeping, Doorman, Dry cleaning, Elevator, Facilities for disabled guests, Food delivery, Gift/souvenir shop, Invoice provided, Ironing service, Laundry service, Luggage storage, Safety deposit boxes, Smoking area, and Terrace.
Let's talk about food now. They take food very seriously! They've got Individually-wrapped food options, Sanitized kitchen and tableware items, and they have Safe dining setup.
I was really impressed with the amount of stuff they do for the health of their guests. You can tell they're taking stuff very seriously.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking
Right, here’s the real test. Food. Restaurant options: A la carte in restaurant, Alternative meal arrangement, Asian breakfast, Asian cuisine in restaurant, Bar, Bottle of water, Breakfast [buffet], Breakfast service, Buffet in restaurant, Coffee/tea in restaurant, Coffee shop, Desserts in restaurant, Happy hour, International cuisine in restaurant, Poolside bar, Restaurants, Room service [24-hour], Salad in restaurant, Snack bar, Soup in restaurant, Vegetarian restaurant, Western breakfast, Western cuisine in restaurant.
The breakfast buffet was a highlight, every single morning. I could stuff my face with Western or Asian food which kept me happy, and the coffee was actually good. It's a good start to the day, especially if you take a plate out to the terrace!
The pool bar? Essential. Especially during Happy hour. I loved the Poolside bar – the cocktails could be a bit hit-or-miss (sometimes they were way too sweet), the service was relaxed, almost too laid back. But hey, I can't complain.
I only ate at the restaurant a few times but it was all pretty good. They have A la carte in restaurant. They do a good job of the International cuisine in restaurant and the Asian cuisine in restaurant. The Desserts in restaurant were so good. If you're feeling lazy, there's Room service [24-hour].
Ways to Relax (and Maybe Get Slightly Sunburnt)
The Swimming pool [outdoor] is gorgeous. But so crowded sometimes! I found a spot for myself, but I wouldn't recommend going exactly at noon. The Pool with view is amazing.
Then, there's the spa! Oh, the spa. I got a massage, my second one of the week. My shoulders are still recovering, but man, it was worth it. They have a Spa, Massage, Sauna (didn't try it, too hot already!), Steamroom (ditto!), Body scrub, and Body wrap.
For the Kids (and the Child in All of Us)
My kids were safe, there were Family/child friendly. The Babysitting service is perfect. They have Kids facilities and Kids meal.
Getting Around (and Avoiding That Chicken)
They offer Airport transfer (a must-have!), Car park [free of charge], Car park [on-site], Taxi service, and Valet parking.
Things To Do (Beyond Lounging by the Pool)
The resort is close to everything. This review could run forever!
Accessibility:
They have Accessibility and Facilities for disabled guests, which I didn't test, so I can't provide a definitive review of their accessibility.
Cleanliness and safety:
They're doing great, with Anti-viral cleaning products, Daily disinfection in common areas, Doctor/nurse on call, First aid kit, Hand sanitizer, Hygiene certification, Individually-wrapped food options, Physical distancing of at least 1 meter, Professional-grade sanitizing services, Room sanitization opt-out available, Rooms sanitized between stays, Safe dining setup, Sanitized kitchen and tableware items, Staff trained in safety protocol.
Now for the Imperfections (Because Let’s Be Real)
I had to mention these because, come on, no place is perfect:
- The Noise: Some rooms might hear the ocean. I certainly did. If you're a light sleeper, bring earplugs.
- The Crowds: The pool area, especially the restaurants during peak hours. But that's the price you pay for paradise I
Okay, buckle up, buttercups, because this itinerary isn't just a list; it's a potential train wreck masquerading as a Balinese adventure. We are talking chaotic delight, the kind where you lose your sunglasses, accidentally offend a local, and STILL consider it a five-star experience. Briona 1 BR Suite Ocean View ZN52B, Bali, Indonesia - here we come, or at least, I am coming.
The "Oh God, What Have I Gotten Myself Into?" Itinerary:
Day 1: Arrival - Jet Lag and Jaded Expectations
- 9:00 AM (ish) - The Great Descent: Okay, let's be honest, flight was a blur of airplane food, questionable movie choices, and existential dread about the impending humidity. Land at Denpasar Airport. I’m already sweating, and I haven't even seen Bali yet. The passport control line is slower than molasses in January.
- Anecdote: Found myself staring at this guy’s incredibly sculpted abs as we sat on the plane. I swear I was only looking at the scenery. Don't judge me.
- 10:00 AM - Customs and the Taxi Hustle: Survive customs. Smuggle that duty-free liquor like a seasoned pro. The taxi situation is pure chaos – a swarm of men yelling, hawking rides. Negotiate fiercely (or at least try to, because I'm a terrible negotiator). Hope I don’t get totally ripped off.
- Quirky Observation: The sheer variety of scooters! They're like swarms of chrome and noise, weaving through traffic with what appears to be zero regard for traffic laws.
- 11:00 AM - The Sacred Search for the Suite: Finally, in a blessed taxi! Cross fingers the driver knows where Briona is. The drive is a kaleidoscope of temples, lush green rice paddies, and the pervasive scent of incense. Prayer alert: that the suite is actually what it looks like in the pictures. (Spoiler alert: they're usually lying.)
- Emotional Reaction: The excitement is real. I’m simultaneously ecstatic and terrified. Is this paradise? Or am I about to discover the mosquito population of Bali?
- 12:00 PM - Hotel Check-in and Unpacking…ish: Success! (fingers crossed). The Briona is indeed a real place, with an actual ocean view. Breathe. Unpack…or, more accurately, throw my suitcase on the bed and collapse. Briefly admire the suite.
- Messy Structure: Okay, I'm going to be honest. I unpacked some things. The essentials. The rest can wait. Right? Because…
- 1:00 PM - The First Meal Debacle: Time to find food. Google Maps is barely working, and I’m starving. Wander aimlessly, then settle for the first thing that looks edible. Probably will be anything but.
- Opinionated Language: Restaurants are full of tourists. This is fine.
- 3:00 PM - Ocean View, Oh Yea: The water is inviting, maybe a little too clean?
- 4:00 PM - Poolside Regret: Maybe have a drink by the pool.
- 5:00 PM - Sunset…or at least, an attempt: Find a beach. Find a comfy spot. Watch the sunset.
- Anecdote: On my way to the beach, I see a local with a dog. I ask to pat them and I am yelled at in a local tongue for being too forward.
- 7:00 PM - Dinner Somewhere…Probably Underwhelming: Stumble back towards the hotel. Eat. Pray I don't get food poisoning.
Day 2: Temples, Tumbles, and Tropical Tears
- 8:00 AM (hopefully) - Breakfast: A Balancing Act: Attempt to conquer the breakfast buffet. Pray that the coffee is STRONG. Contemplate how much breakfast they are going to charge me.
- 9:00 AM - Temple Time (Uluwatu, maybe?): Okay, REAL Bali time! Head to a temple. Dress appropriately (scarf, covered shoulders are a MUST). The views should be incredible. Except…
- Imperfection: Expect crowds. Expect long lines. Also, expect the monkeys. They are notorious little thieves.
- Emotional Reaction: Worried about my sunglasses. Worried about the monkeys. Worried about the cliff edges.
- 11:00 AM - Monkey Business (Uluwatu, Round 2): The monkeys are out. Someone lost their hat. Someone almost lost a camera. Be warned.
- Stream of Consciousness: Okay, maybe the monkeys are a little cute. But those teeth! So… many… teeth. I really want to leave, but I don't want to leave.
- 12:00 PM - Lunch with a View (Hopefully): Find somewhere to eat that isn't crawling with primates. Have some real food.
- 2:00 PM (ish) - Beach Time (Again): Find another beach. Hopefully, this one will be less crowded, and less monkey-infested.
- 4:00 PM - The Massage/Meditation Delusion: Find a proper spa. Have a massage. Try (emphasize try) to relax. Feel the stress of the world slowly melt away. (Maybe?)
- Rambling: This is the moment I've been waiting for! To just… be. To breathe. To let go of the anxiety and the to-do lists and the… wait, is that a mosquito?
- 7:00 PM - Dinner and the Deepest Darkest Secrets of Bali.
- 9:00 PM - Bed: Sleep
Day 3: Waterfalls, Worry, and the Pursuit of Perfect:
- 8:00 AM - Breakfast (The Second Act): Attempt the buffet again. Begin the search for the perfect poached egg. This may take some time.
- 9:00 AM - Waterfall Adventure (Tegenungan?): Visit a waterfall. Get absolutely drenched. Take lots of photos (obviously).
- Stronger Emotional Reactions: The waterfall is beautiful. It is also cold. And I am covered in mist and mud. But wow. It's gorgeous.
- 11:00 AM - Waterfall Wallowing: Do something at the waterfall. Embrace the chaos.
- 12:00 PM - Lunch: Local Cuisine…or, the Fear of the Unknown: Try some local food. Be adventurous (sort of). Pray it agrees with your stomach.
- Messier Structure: Okay, I have to decide. Should I get the nasi goreng, the gado-gado, or… what even is that?
- 2:00 PM - Back to the Sea: Soak back into the beautiful views ahead of me.
- 4:00 PM - Shopping: Go shopping. Buy all the things.
- 7:00 PM- Dinner: Find a delicious place for dinner.
Day 4: Departure – Farewell, Farewell (Maybe?)
- 8:00 AM - Breakfast (The Last Stand): One last attempt at the perfect poached egg. Stock up on pastries.
- 9:00 AM - Last-Minute Souvenir Panic: Scramble to buy any last-minute souvenirs. Realize you’ve spent all your money on… well, I don't know.
- 10:00 AM - Check Out - With Tears (Maybe): The moment of truth. Check out of the hotel.
- 11:00 AM - Airport Chaos (Round 2): Navigate the airport insanity. Hug every taxi person, then walk out.
- 12:00 PM - Flight…and the Reflection: Board the flight. Reflect on the chaos and the joy. Start planning the return trip.
- Stream of Consciousness: Did I achieve enlightenment? Did I find inner peace? Did I eat too much rice? Who cares! Bali, you beautiful, messy, wonderful place. I'll be back. Eventually. Once I've saved enough money to buy a whole new wardrobe. Goodbye, Bali! Until next time!
- Additional Rambling: I didn't mention this, but I totally saw a gecko on the ceiling of my room! It was the size of a small cat!
Okay, so... what *is* this whole "thing" about, anyway? Like, literally, what's going on here?
Alright, alright, settle down. You want the lowdown? Fine. Let's just say this is an attempt to answer some questions. But not in that robotic, "Here's your answer, now shoo!" way. More like... "Hey, I've been there, done *that*, and here's what my brain managed to make of it all." Honestly, it's a bit of a free-for-all, so lower your expectations and just try and have fun, okay?
Are you, like, an expert on this? Because based on how you started, I have serious doubts....
Expert? HA! My expertise lies in overthinking and making a mess of things. So, no. I am *not* an expert. I'm just a person with a keyboard, a questionable grasp of grammar, and a tendency to ramble. Think of me as your slightly-unhinged, but well-meaning, guide. And honestly, isn't that a bit more interesting than some stuffy old know-it-all? Plus, let's be real, who *really* knows *anything* definitively? The universe is probably laughing at all of us, anyway.
So, who are you even *talking* to? Like, is this a diary? A message to aliens? Am I just hallucinating?
Good question! Sometimes, I wonder that myself. Okay, deep breath. I'm talking to anyone who stumbles across this digital train wreck. You, me, maybe a rogue AI who's decided to learn about human silliness. And yes, there are days when I'm fairly certain *I'm* hallucinating, too. But that's part of the fun, right? The mystery of it all. Or is it just the cheap coffee? Ah, the questions one has.
This whole thing is kind of... disjointed. Is that on purpose?
Disjointed? Oh, yeah, totally on purpose. Think of it as a controlled explosion of thoughts. I *try* to have a plan, I really do, but my brain is like a squirrel on a caffeine bender – bouncing all over the place, storing acorns in weird spots. (Acorns being, you know, *ideas*). So, yeah, disjointed is the name of the game. If you're looking for linear, go read a textbook. This is more… *chaos-adjacent*.
Can I ask you a question? Please? I have so many.
Go for it! But be warned: I might not answer it in a way you expect. I might wander off on a tangent, share a questionable personal anecdote, or start quoting Monty Python. Basically, it's a gamble. But hey, life is a gamble, isn't it? So, ask away! Just...you've been warned. Don't come crying to me when you’re knee-deep in my weirdness.
Okay, fine. What's the deal with the... *vibe*? Is this a joke? Serious? What am I even supposed to feel?
The vibe. Ah, yes. That's a tough one. Look, I'm trying to be honest. Raw, even. Sometimes it will be funny, sometimes it will be serious, and sometimes I might just be utterly confused. The "joke" is that life is absurd. We're all just stumbling around, trying to figure things out. So, feel what you feel. Laugh, cringe, roll your eyes, get angry, whatever the hell you need. Just... don't take it *too* seriously. If you do, you'll end up like that guy I saw on the bus the other day, clutching a newspaper and muttering about the end of the world. (Spoiler alert: the world has not ended. Yet.)
This is going *nowhere*...How do I stop reading?
See? I knew I would lose some of you. It's ok. Look for the tiny "X" at the top of the tab or window, and click it with all your might. Or just close your laptop. Go outside. Breathe some air. Talk to a real, live human. You deserve it. Really. Don't feel bad. Seriously. I promise, I won't mind one bit. Though, if you *do* stick around, I'd love to know what you think...
Speaking of the world ending, is the author ok? This is a lot.
Good question. Am I okay? Let's just say I'm... *processing*. Life, eh? It's a rollercoaster, a circus, a bottomless pit of existential dread, and sometimes, surprisingly, hilarious. So, mostly, I'm alright. A little... *scattered*. But functional. In a chaotic, slightly sleep-deprived sort of way. Do I have moments? Yes. I wouldn't be telling you to close the tab if I didn't. But if you're here, good on you.
