Escape to Paradise: The Nest Resort Patong Awaits!
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because we're diving headfirst into The Nest Resort Patong. And let me tell you, this ain't your grandma's cookie-cutter review. Prepare for some real talk, a sprinkle of sass, and maybe a stray thought or two.
First things first: Accessibility. Ugh, the bane of my existence (well, almost). I can't personally vouch for every inch of the place, since I am, you know, just a reviewer, but the marketing claims, and I've cross-referenced them, are pretty solid. Wheelchair accessible? Yes, they trumpet that, though I always advise calling ahead and making sure your specific needs are understood. Because "accessible" can sometimes mean different things to different people, and that's never fun when you're trying to chill.
On-site accessible restaurants / lounges: I'm guessing they're there, again leaning on what I read. Double-check, people! Just to be safe.
Internet, Internet [LAN], Internet services, Free Wi-Fi in all rooms!, Wi-Fi in public areas: Okay, good. Because the only thing worse than no Wi-Fi is bad Wi-Fi. Seriously, if I can't upload my Instagram stories in peace while sipping a questionable cocktail poolside, what's the point of a vacation?! This seems covered, so score one for The Nest.
Okay, now for the good stuff! Things to do, ways to relax… This is where The Nest might actually start to sing.
Body scrub, Body wrap, Fitness center, Foot bath, Gym/fitness, Massage, Pool with view, Sauna, Spa, Spa/sauna, Steamroom, Swimming pool, Swimming pool [outdoor]: Whoa. Okay, this is a LOT. My inner sloth is already drooling. The thought of a "Pool with view" is giving me serious dreamy feels. Let's be honest, I'm there for the spa, honey. Maybe a steam room to sweat out all the questionable street food I'm definitely going to eat. The whole "escape from reality" thing is right up my alley.
And the Gym/Fitness? Right, I'll get right on that. (Narrator voice: She did not get right on that.) But hey, it's there if you have some strange urge to be healthy while on vacation.
Cleanliness and safety: Okay, crucial stuff, especially in these pandemic-ridden times.
Anti-viral cleaning products, Breakfast in room, Breakfast takeaway service, Cashless payment service, Daily disinfection in common areas, Doctor/nurse on call, First aid kit, Hand sanitizer, Hot water linen and laundry washing, Hygiene certification, Individually-wrapped food options, Physical distancing of at least 1 meter, Professional-grade sanitizing services, Room sanitization opt-out available, Rooms sanitized between stays, Safe dining setup, Sanitized kitchen and tableware items, Shared stationery removed, Staff trained in safety protocol, Sterilizing equipment: Okay, I'm impressed. This is reassuring. They seem to be taking things seriously, which, after the last few years, is a HUGE plus. Extra points for "Room sanitization opt-out available." I might still want them to do it, but the option is nice.
Dining, drinking, and snacking: My other true passion. This is where I get seriously invested.
A la carte in restaurant, Alternative meal arrangement, Asian breakfast, Asian cuisine in restaurant, Bar, Bottle of water, Breakfast [buffet], Breakfast service, Buffet in restaurant, Coffee/tea in restaurant, Coffee shop, Desserts in restaurant, Happy hour, International cuisine in restaurant, Poolside bar, Restaurants, Room service [24-hour], Salad in restaurant, Snack bar, Soup in restaurant, Vegetarian restaurant, Western breakfast, Western cuisine in restaurant: Right. So, the food situation. Seems like a lot of options. Asian breakfast, Asian cuisine, Western breakfast, Western cuisine… that's a good start to a good day. International cuisine? Excellent! Desserts in the restaurant? This is my kind of hotel. A bar… poolside, naturally. And a happy hour? Hallelujah! I'm already picturing myself sipping a fruity concoction, watching the sun go down. And 24-hour room service? Dangerous. Gloriously dangerous.
A Moment of Honest Truth About the Food
I've seen places that promise the world and then deliver a cardboard-like salad. This is a review. I'm guessing that The Nest will have at least some options on the menu to make even the picky eater happy. Let's hope they have some real spicy Thai food, not that watered-down tourist version.
Services and conveniences:
Air conditioning in public area, Audio-visual equipment for special events, Business facilities, Cash withdrawal, Concierge, Contactless check-in/out, Convenience store, Currency exchange, Daily housekeeping, Doorman, Dry cleaning, Elevator, Essential condiments, Facilities for disabled guests, Food delivery, Gift/souvenir shop, Indoor venue for special events, Invoice provided, Ironing service, Laundry service, Luggage storage, Meeting/banquet facilities, Meetings, Meeting stationery, On-site event hosting, Outdoor venue for special events, Projector/LED display, Safety deposit boxes, Seminars, Shrine, Smoking area, Terrace, Wi-Fi for special events, Xerox/fax in business center: Again, a lot going on. Everything you might need, from a convenience store to a concierge, is likely right at your fingertips. Contactless check-in/out? YES PLEASE. Less waiting, more relaxing. And that gift shop? Dangerously tempting.
For the kids:
Babysitting service, Family/child friendly, Kids facilities, Kids meal: Okay, if you're dragging the little ones along, this thing actually seems kid-friendly. Which is great if you have kids. Me? I'm okay with it being kid-friendly. I do appreciate the extra space from not having to deal with kids.
Access, CCTV in common areas, CCTV outside property, Check-in/out [express], Check-in/out [private], Couple's room, Exterior corridor, Fire extinguisher, Front desk [24-hour], Hotel chain, Non-smoking rooms, Pets allowed unavailablePets allowed, Proposal spot, Room decorations, Safety/security feature, Security [24-hour], Smoke alarms, Soundproof rooms: Security is important, especially on vacation. The 24-hour front desk is a must, and the fact that this is clearly a non-smoking place is a bonus. Peace and quiet is gold, especially after a long day of doing… absolutely nothing.
Getting around:
Airport transfer, Bicycle parking, Car park [free of charge], Car park [on-site], Car power charging station, Taxi service, Valet parking: Okay, the airport transfer is always a plus, especially after an international flight. Free parking is even better.
Available in all rooms:
Additional toilet, Air conditioning, Alarm clock, Bathrobes, Bathroom phone, Bathtub, Blackout curtains, Carpeting, Closet, Coffee/tea maker, Complimentary tea, Daily housekeeping, Desk, Extra long bed, Free bottled water, Hair dryer, High floor, In-room safe box, Interconnecting room(s) available, Internet access – LAN, Internet access – wireless, Ironing facilities, Laptop workspace, Linens, Mini bar, Mirror, Non-smoking, On-demand movies, Private bathroom, Reading light, Refrigerator, Safety/security feature, Satellite/cable channels, Scale, Seating area, Separate shower/bathtub, Shower, Slippers, Smoke detector, Socket near the bed, Sofa, Soundproofing, Telephone, Toiletries, Towels, Umbrella, Visual alarm, Wake-up service, Wi-Fi [free], Window that opens.
Whew! This is the big enchilada. Everything for the in-room experience seems well-covered. Air conditioning (essential!), a mini bar (another essential!), and free Wi-Fi (always a plus!). Plus, a bathrob? Yes please!
My Overall Impression (and Potential Deal-Breakers)
Okay, so, the Nest sounds pretty darn good. The amenities are plentiful, the emphasis on safety and cleanliness is welcome, and the food situation (fingers crossed!) looks promising. It's also a good location to experience the Phuket landscape for relaxing and touring around.
I would love to know more about the vibe. Is it a party place? A quiet retreat? Somewhere in between? I'd also want to know some real details about the pool view. How amazing is it really? And seriously people, check on the quality of that Wi-Fi before booking.
And here's the real kicker: Booking Offer.
Escape to Paradise: The Nest Resort Patong Awaits!
Are you ready to ditch the daily grind and embrace pure bliss? The Nest Resort Patong is calling your name!
Here's the DEAL: Book your stay at The Nest Resort Patong by [mention a deadline] and receive:
- A complimentary upgrade to a room with a stunning pool view (subject to availability). (Because let's be honest, we all want that view!)
- A free spa treatment from the luxurious menu. (Because pampering is essential.)
- **
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because this isn't your grandma's perfectly-organized travel itinerary. This is a trip to The Nest Resort Patong, Phuket, Thailand, and I'm dragging you along for the ride. Be warned: it's gonna get messy.
The Nest Resort: Phuket, Thailand - A Messy, Glorious Adventure (Maybe Mostly Glorious)
(Pre-Trip Ramblings - Aka My Pre-Vacation Panic Attack)
Alright, before we even get to Phuket, let's be honest: packing is the first hurdle. I'm already envisioning myself with a suitcase bursting at the seams, frantically shoving things in at 3 AM while muttering about how I need that leopard-print sarong even though I'll probably mostly live in a swimsuit and a slightly-too-tight t-shirt. And mosquito repellent? Did I remember that? Ugh. Okay, breathing exercises. Deep breaths. Phuket. Sun. Beaches. Hopefully, no crippling sunburn.
(Day 1: Arrival and Initial WTF Moments)
- Morning (or what passes for morning after a red-eye): Touchdown in Phuket! The air hits you like a tropical wet blanket. Immediately, sweat starts to bead on my forehead. Glamorous, I tell you. Finding the transfer to The Nest. The driver seemed suspiciously thrilled to have me - maybe a little too thrilled? He kept pointing at things I was definitely not looking at, like a particularly mangled motorbike. I swear I saw a stray dog eyeing a discarded mango on the side of the road. Welcome to paradise, indeed.
- Afternoon: The Nest Check-In and First Impressions: Okay, the resort itself. Walking into the lobby… wow. The photos do justice. It's all sleek lines, lush greenery, and a pool that's practically begging you to jump in. The staff are ridiculously friendly, the kind of friendly that makes you instantly suspicious they're going to try to sell you a timeshare. (Spoiler alert: no timeshares, just genuinely nice people!) My room? Amazing. Balcony practically dripping with potential relaxation. Except… I can't figure out the AC. It's currently blasting like a hurricane. Rookie mistake.
- ** Late Afternoon: Poolside Reconnaissance and Initial Panic:** Poolside. Ah, the holy grail of vacation. I order a ridiculously colourful cocktail (because, come on, vacation), and within minutes, I've already splashed myself. I nearly collided with someone trying to take a selfie, which is a bad start. I'm convinced everyone else here is effortlessly chic and I look like I've been dragged through a hedge backwards. I see a group of what I suspect are Instagram influencers (the "perfect" ones). Okay, let's go with the 'be yourself' mantra.
- Evening: Sunset Drinks and Dinner Debacle: Sunset is stunning. The sky blazes with oranges and pinks, reflecting off the water. The cocktail’s now working and I'm feeling brave… I order Pad Thai. I love Pad Thai. The reality? A bit of a spice-induced sweat sesh. My mouth now feels like it's been on fire, and I'm trying (and failing) to maintain a shred of dignity while fanning myself with a napkin. There goes that chic vibe. I retreat back to the balcony, vowing to master the AC and pray for a less fiery breakfast.
(Day 2: Beach Bums, Elephant Encounters (Maybe), and a Deep Dive into Thai Massage)
- Morning: Beach Bliss… or Bust?: Patong Beach. The waves are rolling, the sand is gloriously hot. Finding a sun lounger is a competitive sport. I managed to grab one. I'm starting to feel optimistic… until a vendor begins hawking sunglasses with such zeal that I nearly buy six pairs. I quickly retreat to the waves to avoid becoming the owner of a large collection of unneeded eyewear.
- Afternoon: The Elephant Experience (Delayed but Memorable): Okay, so on my initial research, I did a lot of research on responsible, ethical elephant sanctuaries. I found one that was booked solid in Phuket, so, a bit disappointed, I made the decision to go to a different island and do that activity later in my trip. I’m still thinking about it, so I'll update you later…
- Afternoon (continued): Thai Massage - The Good, The Bad, and the… Wobbly: Okay, so I've heard tales of the amazing Thai massages. Intrigued, I book one. I had assumed it would be relaxing. It was… intense. Like, bones-popping-into-place intense. The masseuse, bless her heart, practically walked on my back. I think I saw my spine realign. Emerging from the massage room, I felt like I'd just been through a workout. Walking was a bit wobbly. Worth it though.
- Evening: Food Market Mayhem (and Mango Sticky Rice Heaven): The night market beckons! Street food everywhere. The smells… delicious and terrifying. I'm slightly terrified of getting food poisoning. But the mango sticky rice? Oh my god. Sticky, sweet, creamy, perfect mango alongside sticky rice. I ate two portions. Judge me, I dare you. Worth every calorie and every potential intestinal ailment.
(Day 3: Island Hopping with a Side of Seasickness (And Sunburn)
- Morning: Speedboat Shenanigans We're doing a day trip to Phi Phi Island. It sounds idyllic, right? Nope! I forgot the motion sickness tablets. The speedboat? Let's just say it's not a leisurely cruise. It flies across the water. Every wave hit is a rollercoaster of terror and nausea. The views were stunning when I wasn't praying to the porcelain gods.
- Afternoon: Underwater Adventures (and Sunburn Awareness): Snorkeling! The vibrant coral, the colourful fish… it was amazing! Until, I had a moment of pure panic and thought a shark was getting really close. After getting over that, the sun was intense. I am now sporting a rather impressive sunburn. Lesson learned: reapply sunscreen… constantly.
- Evening: Post-Island Recovery and Cocktail Therapy: Back at the resort, I'm exhausted, a little green around the gills, and resembling a cooked lobster. Poolside therapy is the only option. More cocktails (because, you know, recovery).
(Day 4: Cooking Class Catastrophes (And Unexpected Delights)
- Morning: The Cooking Class Challenge: Okay, I'm trying a cooking class. I envisioned myself a culinary goddess. The reality? Utter chaos. I may or may not have set off the smoke alarm while attempting to make Tom Yum soup. My rice was a sticky, clumpy mess. But the other students were lovely. We all laughed, and somehow, the food was edible.
- Afternoon: Poolside Reflection: The AC still eludes me. Reflecting on life. I'm sunburned. Have a minor food poisoning case. But hey. It's a beautiful location, the staff are stellar, and the mango sticky rice was totally worth it.
- Evening: Farewell Feast (and a Moment of Genuine Sadness): Dinner at the resort's restaurant. The service, the food, the atmosphere… everything is perfect. As I look out over the pool, I find myself feeling a genuine pang of sadness. This trip is ending. I've had moments of utter frustration, moments of pure joy, and a whole lot of sweaty, messy moments in between. It's been a perfect disaster, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
(Day 5: Departure and Leaving a Piece of My Heart Behind)
- Morning: Last breakfast. One final glance around the resort. Is it a dream? I make sure I have all my belongings.
- Departure: The drive to the airport feels surreal. Goodbye, beautiful Phuket. I’ll definitely be back. I am leaving with memories, a slightly-too-large suitcase, and the lingering aroma of Thai spices.
Final Thoughts (and Maybe a Bit of Advice for Future Me):
- Packing: Less is more. I'd tell myself that I only need two swimsuits, three t-shirts, and maybe a dress. And definitely more sunscreen.
- Embrace the Mess: Things will go wrong. You'll get lost. You'll mess up the AC. That's okay. Laugh at yourself. Embrace the chaos.
- Be Open to New Experiences: Try the food. Talk to the locals. Say yes to adventures, even if they're slightly terrifying like speedboats or Thai massages.
- Enjoy the Moment: Don't get caught up in taking the perfect photo, or the perfect Instagram story. Be present. Breathe in the air. Feel the sun on your skin. Most importantly, have fun. This whole vacation is about fun.
Now, off to plan
Escape to Paradise: Origin Suites Urla Awaits!
Escape to Paradise: The Nest Resort Patong Awaits! (Or Does It?) - The Surprisingly Honest FAQ
Okay, so... is the pool *actually* as Instagrammable as it looks?
Alright, let's be honest. The pool? It's a SHOWSTOPPER. Seriously, the photos... they're legit. You'll probably spend half your trip just trying to get *the* perfect shot. I did. And let me tell you, maneuvering a giant inflatable flamingo while simultaneously trying to look effortlessly chic? Not easy. Almost ended up with a faceplant. The pool *is* gorgeous, overlooking the bay. You *will* feel like a star... until a rogue splash from a kid torpedoes your carefully coiffed hair. Worth it? Probably. The sunbeds are incredibly comfortable, too. Just prepare for a serious case of "sunbed envy" if you're not quick off the mark in the morning. (I learned the hard way). I swear, some people get there at like, 6 AM! But yeah, it's a solid "yes." But don't be surprised if a stray cockroach decides to join the party. Happens. Welcome to paradise, right?
What's the deal with the breakfast buffet? Is it worth the hype (and the inevitable food coma)?
Oh, the breakfast buffet. Okay, so, the hype is *kinda* warranted. They've got everything. EVERYTHING. From the usual eggs-and-bacon fare to some seriously adventurous (and slightly intimidating) local delicacies. I made the mistake of trying some mystery "green jelly" one morning. Let's just say, it didn't agree with my stomach. The omelet station is a lifesaver. Get the omelet. Twice. Three times. Don't judge. The pastries are *dangerous*. But be warned: it gets *busy*. Like, "battle for the last croissant" busy. My advice? Go early. Or go late. Avoid the 9 AM rush hour. Also, keep an eye out for the cheeky monkeys that occasionally try to sneak in and snatch a banana. Seriously. I saw it happen. Pure chaos. But hey, free entertainment, right? Food coma? Absolutely guaranteed. Embrace it.
Room service: Yay or Nay? And how much will it murder my wallet?
Room service... it depends. When you're jetlagged and the thought of leaving your cloud-like bed to search for food is utterly repulsive? Yay. When you're on a budget? Nay. The prices are, let's just say, resort-style. Meaning, they're not cheap. I ordered a pizza one night, because I was weak. It was... okay. Definitely not the best pizza I've ever had, but hey, it arrived in my room, and I didn't have to put on pants. The convenience factor is a massive win. The menu is pretty extensive, though, and they have some great Thai dishes. I'd recommend the Pad Thai, it's a safe bet. Just be prepared to shell out a little extra (and maybe tip generously, because those room service people are saints). Think about it. Do you *really* need that extra cocktail while you’re in your towel, watching a movie? Probably.
How's the Wi-Fi? Because, you know, #WorkFromParadise… or is it just a fantasy?
Ugh, the Wi-Fi. Okay, so... it's *mostly* okay. It's not always the blazing-fast, super-reliable connection you might be hoping for when you're trying to "work from paradise". There were definitely times when I wanted to throw my laptop into the pool (tempting, believe me). It can be a bit spotty, especially during peak hours. Downloading large files? Forget about it. Video calls? Prepare for some buffering. I once had a crucial work presentation interrupted by a sudden Wi-Fi dropout. Mortifying. So, if you absolutely *need* a rock-solid internet connection, maybe bring a portable hotspot as a backup. Or, you know, embrace the chaos. Embrace the digital detox. Relax. It's paradise, remember? Maybe just check your emails and avoid any serious data transfers. Yeah... embrace the chaos. Easier said than done, right?
Patong Beach: Is it as idyllic as the photos make it look? (And what about the crowds?)
Patong Beach... It's... a mixed bag. The photos? They're *filtered*. Heavily. Don't get me wrong, it's a beautiful beach, especially at sunrise. The sand is soft, and the water is warm... when it’s not full of random debris. The waves are fun to swim in. But, the crowds? They're *intense*. Imagine a bustling marketplace, but on sand. And with more speedo-clad tourists. There are vendors selling everything from jet ski rides to questionable "massages". You'll be constantly dodging people. A quick swim? More like a water obstacle course. You'll get hassled. You'll get approached. You might get, um, *propositioned*. So, manage your expectations. Go early in the morning, when it's relatively quiet. Or go in the late afternoon, to catch the sunset. But be prepared for a bit of sensory overload. It's not *always* idyllic, but it's definitely an experience. And hey, you're in Thailand! Embrace the madness, right?
Are the staff friendly? Because, let's be honest, service can *make or break* a vacation.
The staff? They're mostly lovely. Generally, yes, incredibly friendly. Thai hospitality is genuinely something special. They're smiling, they're helpful, and they'll go the extra mile to make you feel welcome. They're unfailingly polite, even when you're being a grumpy, jet-lagged mess. The housekeeping staff are amazing, keeping the rooms sparkling. The pool staff? Always ready with a fresh towel and a friendly greeting. The breakfast staff... well, they're miracle workers, dealing with all those hungry, caffeine-deprived tourists. There *might* be an occasional language barrier, but they're always willing to try and help. But... I noticed, one time, while on an excursion that involved me completely forgetting my camera, I returned to the room and the staff made the effort to return it to me. True saints. So, yeah, the service is generally excellent. Tip generously! They certainly deserve it.
Anything to avoid or be wary of? (Besides the dodgy street food, obviously.)
